


Evening the Odds

by greenapricot



Category: Lewis (TV)
Genre: Angst, Discussion of Mortality, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-03-02
Packaged: 2019-11-08 01:35:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17971988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greenapricot/pseuds/greenapricot
Summary: James is beautiful, a silhouette in the dark, light from the street lamp catching his hair in an almost halo and turning the smoke bright as it drifts above the garden wall; but the beauty of the moment doesn’t outweigh Robbie’s hope that the next time James tries to give up smoking it will stick.





	Evening the Odds

**Author's Note:**

> I hadn't really intended to turn this particular sad headcanon into a fic, but this appeared almost fully formed at 6 am one morning and here we are. I promise the next Lewis thing I post won't be so angsty.

When Robbie returns from the loo the sofa is empty, James has gone for another smoke. He’s in the back garden, sitting on the one chair that’s not been put away for winter. Robbie watches him through the window in the French door; the elegant curve of his wrist as he takes a drag from his cigarette then flicks ash onto the patio bricks, the way his shoulders relax a fraction on the exhale. 

James is beautiful, a silhouette in the dark, light from the streetlight catching his hair in an almost halo and turning the smoke bright as it drifts above the garden wall; but the beauty of the moment doesn’t outweigh Robbie’s hope that the next time James tries to give up smoking it will stick. 

Robbie doesn’t like to nag, and James is well aware of the consequences of smoking, but when James returns, bringing the scent of smoke and the chill of winter to the sofa with him, Robbie brings it up anyway. 

“I wish you’d give quitting another go.”

James slouches down into the sofa. “I know,” he says. 

“But you don’t want to.”

James shakes his head and picks up his half-full whisky glass from the coffee table. It’s been a rough week, maybe this isn’t the time. But it’s never the time and Robbie can’t help but worry about the damage all those cigarettes are doing to James’ lungs. He hears it first thing in the morning, when James’ voice is deeper than usual; gravely for those first few minutes, raspy in a way it never was a year ago. 

“Why not?” Robbie asks, trying for gentle more than insistent and mostly hitting the mark.

James sighs. “You won’t like it.”

“I’m not a big fan of the smoking either.”

James sips his whisky. “You’re twenty years older than me.”

A true statement but hardly relevant. “Yes,” Robbie says. “That bothering you all of a sudden?”

“No,” James says. “Not as such, it’s just— You’ll die before me.” He downs the last of his whisky and puts the glass down on the coffee table with a clunk. 

“James,” Robbie runs his hand up James’ upper arm and James sort of tips over into him, leaning his head on Robbie’s shoulder. 

“The smoking, it evens the odds a bit I reckon.” James’ voice is muffled by Robbie’s shirt. He turns his head, placing a kiss on Robbie’s neck, then nuzzling in a bit more. Robbie puts both arms around James and pulls him closer, kissing the crown of his head, and James curls into him, arm across Robbie’s chest. 

“I don’t want you to even the odds, lad.”

“I know. I don’t either really— I just— I think about it sometimes” James sighs. “It’ll be horribly lonely again without you.”

The lad is breaking his heart. Robbie has to take a deep breath before he can speak again. 

“You’ll get through it,” Robbie says. “It won’t be easy, but you will. I know you will.” 

James nods his head against Robbie’s shoulder and doesn’t say anything. 

“Besides that, I’ve got a good few years left in my old bones. Don’t go writing me off before I’m gone.” 

This gets a less heavy sigh out of James and he lifts his head, gazing into Robbie’s eyes. 

“I would never,” he says. 

“I know, soft lad. How about we make a deal? I’ll make more of an effort to eat veg even when you’re not cooking it for me and you work on smoking less?”

“I suppose I can live with that,” James says and pulls Robbie into a kiss. 

____


End file.
